One challenge that you and your spouse may face early in your marriage is coming to the realization that each of you has different preferences about the degree to which you discuss problems. Some people like bringing up every minor problem — not necessarily in a combative manner but as a way to work through it. Other people struggle with this sort of emotionally charged topic and shy away from discussing things that are bothering them. There are pros and cons of each mindset, but when you and your spouse are on opposite ends of the spectrum, seeking the help of a marriage counseling service and finding common ground will be important. Here are some options for you to consider.
Set Specific Times To Talk
Setting specific times to talk — perhaps for a short period of time once a day or once a week — can be an effective compromise in your situation. This prevents the person who enjoys talking about problems from doing so on a seemingly constant basis and also prevents the person who doesn't want to talk from never bringing things up. You can set a designated time in which you each share some concerns and work through them together. One idea is to do this weekly, and then plan something fun afterward to serve as a reward.
Decide What Is Worth Talking About
Both of you can likely benefit from thinking about what issues are truly worth discussing. The person who tends to want to discuss a lot of things will then have to prioritize, while the other partner will have to choose which items are important enough to talk about. This is another effective way of establishing middle ground, rather than having one partner constantly talking about problems while the other rarely brings anything up.
Go Talk-Free Until Counseling
If you're currently struggling with sitting down with your spouse and going through concerns in your marriage, you might agree to do so only when you're with your marriage counselor. Doing so may take a load off both of your shoulders, as you'll know that you have a trained professional to guide you through these conversations. During the days that you aren't scheduled to see your counselor, you can each make lists of the things that you want to bring up while not feeling stressed about having to wade through them with your partner and perhaps end up in an unpleasant conflict.
For a long time, I wasn't sure if my counseling was really working or not. It felt like no matter what I did, I just couldn't stay on top of my personal frustrations, so I started addressing those concerns with my counselor. I was able to find a counselor who really understood what I was up against, and it was really neat to talk with her about everything that I was having a hard time with. We chatted about everything in my life ranging from the initial issues I started having to my daily struggles at work, and I felt like those early talks were helping a lot. On this blog, find out more about working with counselors and making things right.